The other night I had a crazy dream.

I was in a mall and all of the sudden I was attacked from behind by Robby Gordon, a NASCAR driver. I didn't know what was going on but then Bret Hart walked up. He's a pro wrestler. He said Robby Gordon attacked me cause Bret put out the order to take me down! I had no idea why Bret Hart would do such a thing. Then Bret morphed into Kurt Angle, the best wrestler of all time. Kurt was mad at me for some reason. I mean really pissed off. I started to run to get away so Kurt Angle sent Robby Gordon after me again. I yelled back something to Kurt about his kids as I was running down the escalator. And at the bottom of the escalator I smashed Christmas orniments on Robby Gordons head.

The End.

Awesome, right?

One night a while back Matt needed a ride home from work but wasn't sure when he'd be ready to leave. So he asked me to come get him around 12am. I said ok but I didn't have any gas. Mom did though. I took Mom's car and went to pick Matt up at Boston Market. When I got there he wasn't ready and asked me to come back in two hours. I wasn't tired and back I stayed up late so that was fine with me. I headed home parked on the street and left again two hours later to go get Matt. He still wasn't ready. This time I told him I didn't feel like coming back so he hoped in the van and came home with me. We got home and I went to sleep. Matt however, went back to work. He called it a night around 4am and got home shortly after that.
That's just one of the many times we took Mom's van after she had gone to bed. This night in particular we took it three times. Mom may say she always knew what we were up to but I think that night the eyes in the back of her head were closed.

When we were kids one of Lana's dolls went missing. And Lana came to me and asked if I had seen this particular doll she couldn't seem to find. I lied when I said I didn't know where it was. I in fact, was the only one who knew where the doll was.
I had given the doll a hair cut fully expecting the hair to grow back. And in my mind I expected it to grow back immediately. That did not happen however so I hid the doll under my bed. I thought I just needed to wait a little while to give the hair time to grow and then I could return it to Lana unharmed.
I was stricken with worry when I checked on it later that day and to my surprise it still had a buzz cut. I didn't know what to do. So I did the only sensible thing I could think of, I snuck it out of the house and buried it in the yard.
I thought no evidence equals no crime. But as you can imagine this has weighed on my mind for all these years. It feels good to come clean about it. So Lana, were cool right?

Back when we lived on Linden Rd. there used to be a wiener dog that would chase our cat, Bandit. Every time the wiener dog was being walked down our street it would get loose and find its way to our yard and torment our cat.
So one day Dan & I were outside playing and here comes this wiener dog into our backyard. Dan & I had finally had enough! We felt it was time to send a message that the dog is not welcome at 1911 Linden Rd. We chased the dog around the yard and trapped it in a corner. It's time had come. It wasn't going to terrorize our cat anymore!
One of us looked at the other and said; "Let's pee on it!" To which the other brother replied wholeheartedly; "OK!"
We unleashed hell on a tiny wiener dog that day. It didn't know what was going on. It was raining down on him, and only him. The dog stood there frozen in fear until we ran out of pee.
When we were done we let it go and it never bothered Bandit again.

The company isn't giving out raises but my bosses wanted to give me one. There's nothing they could do, no exceptions. So instead of a raise in pay I was terminated from my job in September.

On paper it will look like I resigned my position and was then rehired at a higher rate than I had before my 'termination.' So basically my bosses are real happy with the job I do and found a way to reward me for it without just saying tough luck. I really like my job and the people I work for and with. It took a while to get to this point, but better late than never. 

 

PS; I stretched it out like this to make some of y'all think I lost my job. And it worked. Suckers! 

Thursday I was told that my direct superior would be moving to a different property. And they would not be hiring anyone to come in and replace her. I told them that I saw that coming.

Then later on I stopped in at accounting to see if I could pick up my check a day early since I'm off on Friday's. They said no problem and handed me what they told me was my last paycheck. I was also asked if I could do them a favor and write up my resignation letter and date it mid September.

 

To be continued...

I went to lunch with my GM and our Controller today. We sat down and were just talking for a bit and then the GM got serious, looked at me and said; Ok, we need to talk about work for a minute.

He let me know that they think I'm doing a great job and the regional vice president is very pleased with my work at the resort. He also mentioned that the company is not increasing pay for anyone right now due to the economy.

Then he informed me that I had been terminated as of last Saturday.

 

To be continued...

I was driving down Alafaya Friday afternoon and noticed the van was slipping in and out of gear. Well, more than usual at least. As I sat in line to turn onto University I glanced out the window at my side mirror and saw white smoke coming from underneath the van. That's where the title for this comes in. 
The last thing I ever want to be is that guy who backs up traffic for miles cause he didn't get his car out of the way before it broke down. So I changed lanes, went through the light and u-turned to get on my way quicker.
It wouldn't get it up to the speed limit and I could see heavy rain coming so I ducked off the road into a parking lot. I fell asleep watching transmission fluid wash away from under the engine. When I woke up I gave it one more shot. I cranked it up, put it in gear and hit the gas. Nothing. Then it moved a foot. I decided then it was time to call Dad.
I managed to get the van backed into a spot so it can be towed away easier. I called the number on the first 'Junk car' buyer sign I saw. Oh well, shit happens. I sold the van on Sunday.
A few positives came out of this though. First, I was late on my car insurance but I cancelled that so not paying turned out to be the right call. My tag was due to be renewed so I'll save money on that as well. And I no longer need gas money.

The new Chief Engineer at the hotel texted me Wednesday to tell me that I was off this weekend. I didn't like that cause not working means not getting paid. But I decided to make the best of it. After all it has been 56 days since my last day off.

I started off the day by sleeping well past my usual wake up time of 6am. Then after two months of driving around without a license plate I stopped off at Maitland PD to pick up the police report in order to get a new plate for free. After that I came home and installed two security bolts on the tag so those thieving bastards can take it again. I've put away the dishes and washed the dirty ones and caught a nap. I just got done doing my laundry.

The only downside to today was both local Publix's were out of regular Crytal Light Tea. While I was at Publix I checked my heart rate. It was 102 over 59 and pumping at 64 beats a minute. Dad says that's pretty good. I think I'll go get the tea from my old friends at Winn-Dixie. I'll bet they have it.

I hadn't planned a day off any time soon but I'll take one if I have to.

I was walking up to the front office to meet my boss and thanks to my laser vision i saw 'em. By now it should be clear. I see a snake my mind goes to one thought only, kill it! I headed back to my office to grab the hedge clippers. I rushed back to the scene and made sure to exchange pleasentries with guests as I passed by. Then I saw my lawn care rep walking toward me. I gave him the 'hold up' signal and began my slow creep closer to the snake. The rep and now one of his employees and a few guests packing their car were all looking at me but didn't see the snake.

As I got closer the snake noticed me. At first I was targeting the body but I thought I might lose it in the bushes if I didn't hit 'em clean. So I aimed for just behind the head.

My trademark 'bolt of lightning' reflexes nailed it. The snake was 2 feet, 9 inches long and now its 2 feet AND 9 inches.

The running count for the season is 3 dead, 1 injured and 2 haved lived to see another day.